L.09.1: Coweta Cocktail Tales

Jason Jr. got real restless about 9:30 and told Pam to get her fat ass off the couch and put on some clothes and go to Palmetto and buy him a pint of Jack.  Pam wanted to know why he couldn”t drive his own damn self over to Palmetto and Jason Jr. said he was having the blurred vision and didn”t trust his driving.  Pam just sat there laughing and Jason Jr. said he bet Pam would be happy if he was out and hit a power pole like his cousin Paul.  Jason Jr. is supposed to take pills for the blurred vision and the shakes but he always forgets and says they don”t work anyway.  Pam says Paul would have been just fine if he had been wearing seat belts and had his damn sub-woofer turned down.  Jason Jr. tells Pam her family is pretty messed up and she doesn”t have the right to preach.  Pam says she can”t go out anyway because she has to feed Carl and Carl”s going to wake up in five minutes.  Jason Jr. says he”ll feed Carl and Pam can stop making dumb excuses because she”s too lazy to even put a robe on and get to Palmetto before ten.  She can buy herself some more cigarettes if she needs a more important reason to go.  Pam pulls on some shorts lying on the coffee table and nothing else.  The loose thing she”s wearing up top doesn”t look good but Jason Jr. looks at me like I”m supposed to like it and grins. Pam talks about how it”s important to heat up the jar for 15 seconds as she lights up a cigarette and steps out.  First thing Jason Jr. does when Pam”s gone is reach under the seat of his chair and pull out a half empty pint of Jack.  He gets a big grin and tells me to come with him outside.  We”re outside and right on cue we hear Carl waking up and starting to cry back inside the trailer.  Jason Jr. kneels down and crawls under and pulls some bits of tarp and cloth around and pulls out a plastic Kroger bag. He giggles and says he can”t do this kind of shit when Pam”s at home and I follow him with his bag back inside.  Inside the bag is a whole lot of money and a jar of something he calls his special solution.  He picks up Carl who hasn”t stopped squalling since he woke up and sets him down in his feeding chair and buckles him in.  Kid”s still squalling.  Jason Jr. rubs casino online his hands together like he does when he”s working out in the shed and opens a jar of baby food and his pint of Jack and the jar of special solution.  I ask Jason Jr. why he keeps the jar hid just like all the stuff he uses when he”s working out in the shed.  He says he mixed it up in the shed using his supplies so it”s not something he”d be happy if it got found.  He puts the baby food in the microwave. With this stuff he”s going to mix up with the food he says he can get Carl to shut up and sleep for twelve hours straight.   Just then a thought occurs to me but before I can speak it there”s a loud roaring noise and the whole trailer shakes.  Jason Jr. gets real agitated and runs outside and comes back in and before I ask anything he slaps me real hard and I fall backwards on top of Carl in his chair.  He calls me a stupid shit and the microwave rings.  Carl”s stuck in his chair lying on his side.  He arm is twisted in a funny way.  He”s screaming.  Jason Jr. calls me a big stupid baby and dumps the stuff in the baby food jar all over my face.  Then he throws his pint of Jack and it hits me over the left eye.  He”s yelling at me about finding a fire extinguisher.  Carl and I are both crying with peas and Jack and blood on our faces.  When Jason Jr. started heating the baby food I was going to tell him I still had stuff cooking in the shed and the generator might do funny things if he ran the microwave. I should have said something sooner.   There”s a funny taste in my mouth.

It”s called Exploding Meth Lab.  You have to use green peas.

3 Thoughts on “L.09.1: Coweta Cocktail Tales

  1. I’m laughing, but I don’t feel good about it.

  2. It was, “You have to use green peas.” that really sent me over the edge.

    You sense of style in this piece is impeccable.

  3. Style? What do you mean? I just turned on a recorder. These are supposed to be authentic, right?

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