I have to admit, this makes me laugh even to propose the idea.  Just the same, I think the concept is inspired on a couple of levels.  The American Idol folks are having a 70-467J pdf Music Ever” href=”http://songwriter.americanidol.com/”>song writing competition
. Â If that isn’t enough inspiration in and of itself, its being sponsored 70-467J pdf by McDonalds. Â What’s even better, the deadline is March 31. Â Surely we, the brilliant membership of the LS can put something together that will pander, er, I mean appeal to the masses. Â Dionysians, here’s your chance to shine. Â Should we take turns writing stanzas just to make it interesting? Â The biggest challenge is deciding which way to go with it? Â Do we attempt to sneak something in that’s truly artful (despite their objectives), or do we go for the biggest dreck we can manage that will nonetheless appeal to the judges?
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So long as we don’t start it with “I was walking down the street the other day” or “I woke up this morning and got out of bed,” and so long as we don’t include the words “Baby” or “Love,” and so long as we exclude the phrase, “down on my knees, begging you please.”
Damn, there went all my starting ideas. Back to the drawing board… Hmmm, how about something surrounding “…and now its happening to meeeeeeeeeeeee….”
Boy do you know how to cut pop music off at the knees.
Let’s see…how about “Don’t you wish your 18th Century German Philosopher was hot like ours?”
Also, I’m assuming that since they have not yet been banned that phrases such like “You so fine” or “Ooo oo oo” are okay. Also words such as “Darlin’,” “Pimp,” or “Heart.”
“Doin’ the Lichtenbergian Rag.”
There. I’ve done the title. You guys can take it from there.
Guys, you have to be true products of the Zeitgeist to even come close to gaining ground with this kind of thing. And most importantly, you’ve got to BELIEVE. When’s the last time the American Idol audiences were screaming over some masterful display of ironic distancing? This is church, this is the WWF, this is Lee Greenwood and flag waving montages, this is Love and Survival and Truth and Soul, this is People Coming Together, this is Justin Timberlake bringing the sexy back, this is middle school girls shouting Yi, Yi…You’ve got to BELIEVE!
Marc, I believe you have identified yourself quite nicely as head-songwriter. Dale, while I appreciate a good challenge, I just can’t see Ryan ever speaking the words of your title.
We need to get Matthew into the act, as well. He’s actually co-written elementary school anthems. And in a way, isn’t that what we have to produce for this? I do not say that lightly or with contempt.
Even I got suckered in recently watching a “American Idol” style competition for choirs. Singers from across the country auditioned to join competing choirs led by celebrity music folk. One night Patti Labelle’s choir performed–get this–“I’ll stand by you,” a song by Chrissie Hynde and the Pretenders. I get goose bumps just thinking about it. Perfect song. Perfect because it just says basic things in a basic way with a particular melodic hook in the chorus that absolutely kills. Perfect for a universalist gospel rendition, saying nothing and everything at once. You feel sublime and have no precise idea why.
So that’s the only way to pull this off with any integrity. The song has to be strong straightforward emotion but with not a whiff of sentimental pablum and with some musical hook at some point that makes you weep because of how it hits a memorable lyric idea. Go for it.
That’s pretty vomitous; it could work. Call the song “Unknowing Me.”
Dang, that’s really good. We should work with that.
So much for integrity.
But I would do it
once again
even after
all the pain…
That’s what they all say.