DEFENESTRATED

by Al Turing

aturing@wsj.com

Redmond, Washington – In a move that coincided with a remarkable downturn in the tech markets Tuesday, Microsoft announced the sacking of celebrated Vice President of Product Innovation, Georg L. P. Burdell.

While officials of the software giant were unwilling to discuss the details of the sacking, an unnamed source has indicated the termination was tied to recently discovered irregularities with Burdell’s curriculum vitae bottes ugg pas cher.

The journal’s research staff has obtained a copy of the resumé as constructed as the time of Georg’s naming to the post. After only limited investigation, the likely source of the termination has been identified, as a startling number of inconsistencies became apparent.

Probably the most problematic for the software maker was the “creative” source of the award-winning “innovations” that Burdell shepherded into the Microsoft product line. Validating the hue and cry long emanating from Cupertino, many of these changes, particularly focused in the areas of usability and human factors are now thought to have originated from Burdell’s tinkering with a network of Apple computers secreted in his basement office at his home in suburban Seattle. Apple officials indicate that while no decision regarding first moves has been made at this time, legal action against both Burdell and Microsoft is a very real possibility.

Further complicating the situation, particularly given its presence on a significant number of patents co-registered with Microsoft, is the issue of Burdell’s name. The WSJ has acquired conclusive evidence that the name Georg L. P. Burdell is fact a pseudonym adopted by one Kevin McInturff, formerly of Newnan, Georgia.

Burdell (L) in a production at Tamara Pinchme studios; Rudy Giuliani is second from right.

While the specific motivation for the ruse is still not clear, some of the skills that made it possible are becoming clear. While much of the resume appears to be fabricated (including references to time on faculty at Carnegie-Mellon and a stint with the British Secret Service), other portions of the resume appear to be accurate. These rather limited truthful references include an undergraduate degree in computer science from the Georgia Institute of Technology, and a stint working as an unpaid intern in the theatrical studios of Tamara Pinchme (photo left).

When reached via his online telephony account, McInturff was remarkably unapologetic about his deception. “They’ve been klepping ideas from Apple and unix for years. I just formalized and accelerated the process. As to my CV, everyone uses a little creativity in those things. Can I help it if I’m more artful than most in that regard? As my good friend Tamara once said, ‘(expletive deleted) ’em if they can’t take a joke.'” McInturff was not willing to disclose his location, but indicated the baklava was exceptionally good.

Calls for comment to Microsoft and Pinchme were not returned.

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9 Thoughts on “DEFENESTRATED

  1. Terry on March 8, 2008 at 1:26 pm said:

    Excellent! Great comments about Microsoft vs Apple and you even worked in that strange photo, which I still don’t understand.

    Kudos to you.

  2. No, I put the photo in. It’s of a bizarro reading of Where the Wild Things Are at the NCTC Gala of 1999. Karrie Jones, dressed very elegantly, began to read the book, but it was taken over by all these wild things in drag. Georg Burdell/McInturff is at left. You will recognize the other Licthenbergian at far right.

  3. And I love the headline.

  4. The byline is suspicious because I don’t think the article passed the Turing Test.

  5. That was an instance of “witty byplay,” by the way, not an assessment of the article or its author. I do detect the presence of actual intelligence behind both article and author. Or as my father used to say, 1101000110101000101101100001110101101100110110000011101011111011010100100101010011100010101010100011

  6. Your father used to say, “Ѩ¶lØ:ûRT⪔???

  7. Turff on March 13, 2008 at 4:31 pm said:

    For a moment, I thought perhaps his dad spoke EBCDIC, but that didn’t pan out either.

  8. YOU found it untranslatable! Imagine having to listen when you’re two….but back to the piece.

  9. Issues. Always with the issues.

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